


and you fall in the deep

by BrokenTourniquet



Series: Broken Bones [2]
Category: Tomb Raider & Related Fandoms, Tomb Raider (Video Games)
Genre: Acceptance, Angst, F/F, Reunion, who knows what this is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-21
Updated: 2019-02-21
Packaged: 2019-11-01 17:34:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17871731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrokenTourniquet/pseuds/BrokenTourniquet
Summary: The ocean is a deep blue place. Sam knows it well.





	and you fall in the deep

**Author's Note:**

> this sucks so enjoy.
> 
> Unedited because i don't have the energy.
> 
> Tumblr: http://cardiaceyes.tumblr.com/  
> Twitter: https://twitter.com/andlikethevirus

Sam sinks, just as she always does, for what she cannot possibly keep.

She sinks to the floor of the same ocean that took Roth’s life. That took Grim’s. That took  _ everything _ , like an angry, angry, angry hurricane with no other goal than to steal everything that has ever been considered good.

She hates it.

The wet weight of a feeling on her skin. The water filling her lungs suffocating her without care for how it might wreck her body after. She feels angry with herself. Unable to to do anything but cry out.

She  _ hates _ it.

The hope that always bubbles to the surface just as she breaks it, like someone might pull her aboard a ship. Something so simple and helpful. Yet. The only one who actually cares to try isn’t the one person she feels she needs to drag her out of the cold, freezing, water.

It’s not fair to put that on one person, she knows, but even a  _ hello, how are you? _ Would do. It would  _ help _ and all she’s been given is silence as she fights the waves. The knowledge that she would drop everything in a heartbeat if asked is not reciprocated, and she hates it. Hates she’s come in second, unimportant.

Maybe this isn’t how Lara see’s it, but it’s how she’s been made to feel. She feels like a throwaway toy. 

And  _ yet _ , Lara is only feet in front of her. Smiling shyly like she hasn’t been ignored for  _ years _ , and deep in Sam’s chest she’s knows she’s being pulled to the bottom of the ocean floor again. Inescapable routine. Words bubble in her chest. Two sentences she’d like to say, but Lara doesn’t deserve to hear them.

So she forces herself to stay silent. Her teeth clench, jaw locks, and she feels herself take a shaky breath. Breathes through her nostrils.  _ Reign it in Nishimura, _ She has to tell herself.

It feels like her feet are just barely touching the ocean floor now, the anchor keeping her there tugging for her to rest completely against it. No one knows how close she is to doing just that.

She see’s Lara’s eyes flicker to her arm, the tattoo’s covering it, and wonder flashes in those eyes that she was sure once held something strong for her. She clutches the door knob harder and shifts on her feet.

Waiting. 

Lara must understand because she blinks, coughs, pink dusting her cheeks and turns away.

It’s supposed to be cute. Sam knows it. Lara doesn’t realize it  _ is _ but Sam can’t bring herself to think it as such. It’s infuriating, really. Like  _ nothing _ has happened.

“Yah?” She asks, as casually as possible. Treating the woman in front of her like a stranger, because she  _ is. _

Lara gives a half assed crooked smile.

“I- I was hoping we could talk,” Lara offers, setting the bag she’s been holding down.

It’s the first time Sam has noticed it. It looks new, military grade duffle bag. She doesn’t say anything. Not at first. 

If she does, she’s afraid the first thing to come out of her mouth is going to be nothing but pure unrestrained anger she’s felt for so long. Her heart screams. Muffled by the water she feels like she’s in. Nothing is ever easy.

Nothing seems to go right.

“Sam?” Lara looks concerned, Sam notes as her eyes flicker up to her face.

More anger.

“Samantha,” Sam corrects.

Lara winces, like she’s been struck. Sam quells the part of her that feels guilty for it.  _ Friends _ ,  _ family, _ are the only ones who can call her that. Lara used to be both of those but- she sighs. 

Nothing is fucking easy. 

“Alright,” Lara nods, shifting awkwardly, “I- Samantha. Could I come in so we can talk?”

And it slips. It slips before Sam can stop it like she knows she should.

“We’ve had years to talk.”

“Oh, right into it then?” Lara attempts for humor, but Sam huffs out in anger. Nostrils flaring.

There was no version of this conversation where she was going to be able to remain calm, was there? She’s an emotional person. She knows she is. It gets the better of her most of the time. She hates it.

Hates everything right now.

“Fuck me,” Sam mutters under her breath, “look. I’m not even going to apologize.”

“I don’t want you to.” This shocks Sam. “I- please. Can I come in?”

Lara looks genuine. Apologetic for the first time. Willing to talk, and as much as Sam wants to let her in, to forgive her she can’t. She knows if she does she’s going to sink. She’s going to sink and never come back up.

“No.”

Lara deflate, and Sam hates that she feels awful about it.

“Sam please,” She begs, “I came back for you. I came back to talk. T-to-”

“And you could have done it  _ anytime _ before,” Sam argues, gritting her teeth, willing herself not to fall into nothing anger.

“I- I wasn’t ready. Sam I’m sorry-” Sam stops her with a hand raised.

“Just because you’re ready doesn’t mean  _ I am _ . You left me for years, and the only solace I had was Jonah telling me you were okay,” Sam tells her, “you can’t just- it doesn’t work like this. Lara. It can’t I can’t just dive in when you come back and-”

Lara steps forward, eyes earnest, full of understanding. She’s so  _ fucking understanding. _ Sam can’t stand it.

She-

“I’m not asking you to,” Lara speaks softly, “but you’re right. I’m sorry I- when you’re ready to talk get my number from Jonah. I’m not going anywhere for awhile. Alright?”

“I wish I could believe you.”

Lara doesn’t say anything more. She nods in understanding, picks up her bag, and leaves.

Sam closes the door and cries.

She hates that she cries and sinks to floor.

The ocean feels cold, and she can’t tell if she’s rising anymore.

She still doesn’t know what to do.


End file.
